Tuesday, October 30, 2007

What's that? Another Iraq mission fucked up by Bush & Co?

Only this one has the potential to kill 500,000 Iraqis. And you thought Bush didn't care about black people!

Apparently an American mission in Iraq to repair severe damages to the Mosul Dam has been "marred by incompetence and mismanagement." Come again? Something in the Bush administration has been marred by incompetence and mismanagement? If this incompetence and mismanagement didn't have the potential to kill half a million people, I would have to say that it's old news because everything in the Bush administration has been marred by incompetence and mismanagement. Unfortunately, this kind of fuck-up could lead to 65 feet of water pouring into Mosul and 15 feet of water pouring into Baghdad. It would be the perfect icing on the Bush cake of achievement: combining the two biggest blunders of his eight years in office - the killing of thousands of Iraq civilians and the neglect of Hurricane Katrina flood victims in New Orleans - into one gigantic catastrophe!

I don't know about you - and when I say "you" I guess I'm referring to the two or three people who still read this blog and who already think Bush is a complete asshole - but I have to wonder: how can anyone still think Bush is good for anything? Everything he touches - and this is not an exaggeration when I say everything - turns to shit. Everything! Name one exception - I dare you.

The best thing that could happen to George W. Bush is death. A very sudden death. Seriously. And I'm not advocating his murder by any means - the last thing I want him to become is a martyr in anybody's eyes (technically speaking, he couldn't be a martyr because he's never sacrificed anything or endured extreme suffering for any cause, good or bad, a day in his life). No, when I say death is the best thing for George W. Bush I mean this: despite what he says, George W. Bush does care about what people think of him, and the only way people will ever be able to think good of him as he gets older is if he dies in the kind of horrible accident that one wouldn't wish even on his worst enemies. Personally, I hope he lives until the last trickle-down affects of his lies and blunders run their course. It's a nice, comforting thought; unfortunately, nobody lives forever.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Eureka!

Terry Francona isn't brain-dead, after all. Back in Boston after staying alive by winning the last game in Cleveland, the sometimes clueless Red Sox manager replaced Human Rally Killer Coco Crisp with rookie Jacoby Ellsbury, who paid quick dividends with an RBI single in the third inning. Overall the rookie outfielder went 1-5 with one RBI and one run scored, though he was robbed of a base hit at the end of the fourth inning by Indians centerfielder Grady Sizemore. The important thing is that with two on and one out, Ellsbury did not kill the rally by failing to at least advance the runners in the Red Sox' six-run third inning. Better late than never, Tito!

Just as importantly, old man Schilling reverted back to his old October self, holding the potent Cleveland lineup to two runs over seven innings for the win. The performance improved Schilling's career playoff record to an absurd 10-2 with a 2.23 ERA. And some still aren't convinced he's worthy of the Hall of Fame, which is at least comforting reassurance that the Red Sox are not being managed by the absolute stupidest guy in the world.

Friday, October 19, 2007

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!!!

The Boston Red Sox stayed alive in the ALCS earlier tonight by beating the Cleveland Indians 7-1 behind uber-ace Josh Beckett's 5-hit, 11-strikeout masterpiece. When it comes to the task of managing a Beckett-started playoff game, one doesn't exactly have to be rich in the brains department to succeed: in eight career postseason starts (and one relief appearance), Beckett is 5-2 with a 1.79 ERA and three shutouts. It appears even poor Gene Mauch could have won a pennant if he had had the good fortune of managing Josh Beckett.

Red Sox manager Terry Francona, however, did just about everything in his power to screw up what is the easiest managing job in the majors outside of the New York Yankees (sorry, Yanks fans and Joe Torre lovers - if you can't guide a talent-rich, 200 million-dollar payrolled team to at least the ALCS every season, you're doing something dreadfully wrong). Actually, when I say Francona did "everything" to lose the game, I really mean one simple migraine-inducing decision of incredible stupidity: the name he wrote in as his centerfielder on the lineup card before handing it off to the umpire. In short, Francona's insistence on starting Coco Crisp in centerfield tonight - or any night - over rookie Jacoby Ellsbury is so wrong a decision that it could end up costing the Red Sox the pennant. Crisp's one and only function in the Boston lineup is killing potential rallies. Knowing this (assuming he does know this), Francona is displaying the same kind of faith in Coco Crisp - described more accurately this time as loyalty and stubborness - that he displayed in second baseman Mark Bellhorn back in the 2004 playoffs. The only difference - and it is a huge difference - is that Crisp has almost none of the game-breaking potential to reward Francona's faith as Bellhorn did with his erratic but powerful bat. (Francona is displaying this same stubborness and loyalty to some extent with shortstop Julio Lugo, though the alternative there, Alex Cora, isn't nearly as positive as it is in centerfield.) The point is simple: it is time for Francona to ingest some caffeine and wake up to the realization that Crisp is crippling Boston's offense and needs to be removed. Can rookie Jacoby Ellsbury be any worse than Crisp at this point? He hit .353 and stole 9 bases in one month of major league action (prorating at approximately 54 for a full season) and is nearly Crisp's equal as an outfielder. Furthermore, the youngster has shown no problems with pressure situations: the Sox faced the mighty Yankees in the second week of Ellsbury's September call-up, and the kid went 4 of 11 with 4 RBI, 2 SB and a .417 OBP. Again, could he be any worse than Crisp? The evidence says no.

Obviously, taking a veteran outfielder out of the lineup at this stage of the season - even one as young as Crisp - in favor of a rookie is never a comfortable decision for anybody involved. And I almost feel bad for poor Coco - the guy looks absolutely lost at the plate. Unfortunately, this series is not about pitying Coco or any other impotent Boston hitter - it's about winning four games before your opponent does, and it's abundantly clear to everybody on planet Earth except one - the guy who just happens to fill out the lineup card every freakin' day - that Jacoby Ellsbury gives Boston a better chance to win their fourth game before Cleveland does. How much longer do we have to wait, Tito?

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

BREAKING NEWS: Texas Governor Rick Perry endorses Guiliani for President!

Oh, wait - does anybody really give a shit whom Rick Perry endorses? Come on - he's Rick Perry, Governor of Texas - it's already been proven that anybody can become Governor of Texas, for fuck's sake! Does this mean I should be anxiously awaiting David Lee Roth's endorsement next? Come on, seriously, who really gives a shit - it's Rick Fuckin' Perry, man!!!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

So, are we to assume that the 29 previous disasters had no effect whatsoever on your decision here?

Being a baseball fan during the playoffs can be exciting and entertaining; being a Red Sox fan can be as well, though usually the excitement and entertaininment quickly turn to anxiety and despair. And so it went last night at the end of Game 2 of the American League Championship Series in Boston, where the Cleveland Indians went into the top of the eleventh inning tied 6-6 with my *cough* beloved Red Sox. It was at this point that Red Sox manager Terry "Tito" Francona decided do to his best impersonation of former Red Sox manager Grady Little and make a doomed decision so head-explodingly stupid I had to walk out of the house and refuse to watch the rest of the game in protest (and thank goodness I did - but more on that later)

Grady Little, of course, is the manager of the 2003 Boston Red Sox whose decision to leave in an obviously out-of-gas Pedro Martinez is credited with Little's having lost both the series to the Yankees and his own job. I do believe the former charge is true (since the Boston bullpen had been lights-out most of that series), but the latter charge is total crap: Little had mismanaged his pitchers all year long up to and including that infamous Game 7 blunder. Up until Game 7, no Grady Little screw-up had induced more frustration and rage from yours truly than his decision to bring in "closer" Scott Williamson for a fourth straight day to pitch to Oakland in the bottom of the last inning of the decisive Game 5 of the 2003 ALDS. Little's decision was so outrageously moronic that I walked out of the house in protest. My reason was simple: I knew for a fact that Little's decision was doomed to fail, and I refused to watch a good bunch of ball players lose because of one freakin' idiot manager. Sure enough, the exhausted Williamson proceeded to walk the first two batters on eight pitches, thus prompting the slow-learning Little to realize what I had already known since the end of Game 4: that Williamson had been overworked and would be completely ineffective if called upon to pitch in Game 5. The fact that the Sox ended up winning Game 5 after Little brought in habitual miracle worker Derek Lowe is moot; the important point is that Grady Little had committed a strategic baseball sin by bringing in a pitcher that everybody on earth except Grady Little knew was doomed to fail. Which brings us to current Red Sox manager Terry Francona's bone-headed decision in last night's ALCS Game 2.

Here's the situation: it's Game 2 of the ALCS, and Boston has a 1-0 lead in the series. The Red Sox batters roughed up Cleveland ace Fausto Carmona (how can you not love that guy's name, by the way?), but the Cleveland batters did even more damage to Boston's post-season stalwart Curt Schilling. The teams traded leads three or four times and eventually found themselves in a 6-6 tie and completely unable to score off each other's relief pitchers. After receiving two scoreless innings from his best reliever, Jonathan Pappelbon, Boston manager Terry Francona was faced with a critical decision: what pitcher do I send to the mound for the top of the eleventh inning in a best of seven playoff series game? Hmm . . . I imagine this is what was running through his mind:

• I have Javier Lopez, the left-hander who actually pitches better against right-handed hitters and who can go at least two innings.

• Then there's the talented but inconsistent young lefty Jon Lester, who can give me plenty of innings just in case this game goes into a worst-case scenario eighteen innings.

• There's also the sure-to-be controversial choice of the aching, aging knuckleballer Tim Wakefield, who's insertion here would probably force Game 1 starter Josh Beckett to start Game 4 on only three days of rest instead of the customary four days. Then again, the last time Beckett went on three days of rest in the playoffs was with the Florida Marlins in Game 6 of the 2003 World Series, a start that resulted in Beckett's Series-clinching shutout victory and ensuing MVP award!

"Hep me! Hep me!" I just don't know what to do!

Oh, wait, silly me! There's a fourth option:

• Bring in former Dodgers & Rangers closer Erc Gagne (whom the Red Sox acquired in a trade on July 31 - see blog entry from August 30) for his one inning maximum and watch the entire previous ten innings of effort explode in my face! Hey -- this doesn't sound half-bad!!!

Somewhere in America Grady Little had to have been smiling because Francona - defying all logic with his middle finger pointing straight in the face of Red Sox fans everywhere - went with option number four. Upon hearing Gagne's name (as in, "Boston's now got Eric Gagne and Javier Lopez throwing in the bullpen"), I turned to a friend and declared, "Oh, so now the objective is to lose in the playoffs?!!? Putting in Gagne is as good as saying, 'Here, take Game 2. We would rather lose this game immediately than have to play anywhere past the eleventh inning!'" And I said this not because I hate bearded French Canadian relief pitchers with overly stylish eyewear, but because Gagne's previous twenty-nine appearances with the Red Sox did everything but guarantee a Red Sox loss in this situation. Since arriving in Boston, Gagne has been stupifyingly ineffective. He came to the Red Sox with a 2-0 record and 2.16 ERA; since arriving he has gone 2-2 with a 6.75 ERA in twenty-nine appearances. So the question must be asked: did these previous twenty-nine disasters have any effect whatsoever in Francona's decsion to put in a guy who could give him only one inning in the first place? Did Francona look at the numbers for even a split-second before he put in a guy who had loaded the bases in a 10-3 Boston victory one night earlier?!!? Come on, Tito - Charlie Brown couldn't have managed this situation as ineptly as you did! Gagne's brief but horrendous track record in Boston aside, the situation itself calls for a reliever - any reliever - who can give you at least two to three innings just in case the game goes beyond the eleventh inning. Putting in Gagne is the equivalent of telling Indians manager Eric Wedge, "We're ending this game right here, right now" - and then putting a gun to the heads of his hitters and saying, "All right, guys - let's go out there and score three runs or more or we lose the game!" Thanks for the options, Tito.

Well, even I couldn't have foreseen just how disastrous Francona's decision would be. By the time I returned from a lovely Iate-night stroll the Indians had, just as I predicted, won the game - by a final score of 13-6. 13-6!!!!! The final line on the absolutely ineffective Gagne was 0.1IP, 1H, 1 BB, 2 ER. Actually, Javier Lopez entered the game after Gagne and proved to be even less effective than Gagne by allowing three runs while getting nobody out (0IP, 2H, 1BB, 3ER). Lopez' performance is moot, however, because he was, based on both pitchers' performances leading up to this game, still the more logical choice. The most important part of this gigantic implosion - no, make that the only important part of this gigantic implosion - is Terry Francona's inexplicable decision to bring in his absolute worst pitcher in a situation as critical as the eleventh inning of a tie game in the playoffs. It simply amazes me how some managers seem to learn absolutely nothing from experience and, thus, proceed to make the same mistakes time after time after time after time after time after time after time . . .

Yes, somewhere in America Grady Little is smiling.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

If irony slaps Condoleeza Rice in the face, and she doesn't notice . . .

yes, it's still irony. Why even ask the question.

So what kind of irony slapped our Secretary of State in the face, you ask? Try this kind:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071013/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_russia_rice

OK, so let's go over that very first quote again:

"In any country, if you don't have countervailing institutions, the power of any one president is problematic for democratic development."

Uhh . . . I gotta hear it one more time:

"In any country, if you don't have countervailing institutions, the power of any one president is problematic for democratic development."

I believe Ms. Rice said, "In any country," didn't she? "Any" meaning . . . never mind. As clueless as this administration and its water carriers have been on just about every single issue across the board, I would be surprised if Condi did know that her boss actually has the power - and has used the power - to imprison American citizens indefinitely without bringing charges or allowing them access to an attorney. I don't know what . . . oh, what's the point? I'm gonna go bake a cake.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Fox News: They Report, You Just Shake Your Head

There's a whole bunch of shit going down in the world and U.S. in particular - the ceaseless Iraq War, the horrible school shooting in Ohio, the continuing (but admittedly overrated by former Bush yes-man Colin Powell) threat of terrorism, the fate of the SCHIP bill that President Bush just cold-heartedly vetoed, the President's attempt to overturn a death sentence in is beloved Texas (yes, you read that correctly), the Republican Party's continually successful efforts to thwart Democratic proposals in Congress, Britney's next comeback, etc, etc, etc. So, with all that and so much more going on, what events do you think Fox News deems worthy of headline status? What else?

"Muslim Leaders Warn Pope 'Survival of World' At Stake"

"Crackdown on Materials For Terror"

OK, those are acceptable, however alarmist they might be. These next two, on the other hand -- oh, man . . .

"British Court Rules Al Gore Film Exaggerated Climate Claims"

"Cheney: Rumsfeld Was the Right Man" (an "Only on Fox" piece -- really?!!?)

So Fox News would have us believe that a British court's opinion on the facts in An Inconvenient Truth is the third or fourth most important story of the day. Never mind that this court's ruling also included the opinion that almost everything in the film is accurate - it made a list of nine inaccuracies, some of which sounded like clarifications - Al Gore is a big, fat, exaggerating liar! And he's evil, too - after all, what kind of a person would instill the fear of impending doom in order to sway the public's opinion?!!? Thank goodness there's Fox News, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and the rest of the Right to make us feel completely safe!

Monday, October 8, 2007

The Best Obituary Jerry Falwell Could Have Received

Christopher Hitchens can be a real dick. Besides carrying himself with an arrogance that knows no limits, he also whole-heartedly supports that ridiculous Iraq War tragedy and thinks anybody who doesn't is a pussy. That said, he is an atheist who knows how to put morons like Sean Hannity and Ralph Reed in their places. His appearance regarding the death of far right-wing minister Jerry Falwell on the Faux News horror show "Hannity & Colmes" ended with this barely audible nugget of joy from Mr. Hitchens: "If you gave Falwell an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox."
Watch it here (and enjoy!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doKkOSMaTk4

Friday, October 5, 2007

Long Overdue Op-Ed on the Republican Mindset

The New York Times's Paul Krugman - the sworn enemy of most of my family (my nearest brother being the exception) - wrote this excellent op-ed about the Republican way of thinking, as evidenced by their words and actions. I don't think anybody could have made a more compelling case than Mr. Krugman does here:

The thing my Republican family needs to remember (and I've already told my father this) is that the Republican party - and this generation of Republican politicians and leaders in particular - aren't really "their" guys. The Republican party has been a "me first" party since before the start of the 20th century, but this generation of Republican weasels - Bush, Cheney, Rove, Rummy, Gonzales, Condi, DeLay, Santorum, Hastert, Vitter, Allen, Boehner, Kristol, Limbaugh, Hannity, Bill-O, and on and on and on (the list literally does not freakin' end) - don't even bother to mask their true agenda, which is to retain their elite status (most of it passed onto them by their ancestors) and stay in power at any cost by any means necessary. And Mr. Krugman's piece calls out these indifferent, elitist assholes perfectly. Thanks.