Monday, January 15, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
It never gets old - EVER!
I'm watching Game 6 of the 2004 American League Championship Series on DVD right now. Curt Schilling, after undergoing some sort of freakish surgery on his right ankle, mows down the frustrated Yankees for seven glorious innings (yes, Curt, we'll overlook the fact that you're a shamelessly self-promoting, egomaniacal Republican any time you feel like doing that kind of work again). Mark Bellhorn breaks out of his hitting hibernation and smacks an opposite-field homer to give the Sox the lead in the fourth. Then A-Rod, with his Hamburger Helper glove [see my pictures], slaps the ball out of punk-ass Boston pitcher Bronson Arroyo's glove in the eighth inning and completely embarrasses himself and all of New York in the process. Finally Keith Foulke comes in for the ninth, striking out Ruben Sierra to end the game after having put two runners on base thanks to some dubious pitch calls by home plate umpire Joe West. Wow! No team had ever come back from three games down in a baseball playoff series to force a game seven until these clowns did it. Simply amazing.
Could I ever get tired of watching this? No. In fact, I think I want to die while watching Game 7 of this series or Game 4 of the subsequent World Series sweep of the St. Louis Cardinals. It just never gets old.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
This makes total sense . . . in the grand scheme of things, that is
New Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, along with Secretary of State Condi Rice, staged a press conference today to discuss the "surge" in U.S. troops being sent to Iraq. I had to laugh because one quote in particular perfectly summed up the Iraq War:
"It's viewed as a temporary surge, but I think no one has a really clear idea of how long that might be."
Of course you really have no "clear idea" how long this "temporary" troop surge will last -- nobody who's had any say in getting us stuck neck-deep in this shitty, unwinnable war has had any clear idea on anything! Allow Rizmo to translate your plans into actual English, Mr. Gates: "Like the rest of the planning of this war, we're just gonna go into this latest phase half-assed with no real idea whether it's going to help us or hurt us in the long run. So when we use the word 'temporary,' we actually mean it in a more ambiguous way, like when we say that, in the grand scheme of the universe, life itself could be temporary. And needless to say, if you don't agree that sending these additional 21,000 troops is a good idea, you must want to help embolden the terrorists even more. These troops need to know they're wanted and needed over there before they go to Iraq to become sacrificial lambs for the new Neocon World Order." Yeah, that's what I thought you meant to say, Mr. Gates!
For more on this press conference, check out the article at cnn.com:
For more commentary on this wonderful and inventive new strategy for "winning" the Iraq War, check out my brother's blog entry from earlier this morning:
Happy reading!
Monday, January 8, 2007
Fortune cookies have hit an all-time low
The "fortunes" found in fortune cookies have been spiraling downward in quality for many years now. Last week, however, marked a new and shockingly shitty all-time low for the peculiar dessert. I cracked open a cookie, unfolded the thin strip of paper inside of it and came face-to-face with, "Loving is sharing rainbows of happiness." What the fuck does that mean?!!? I mean, I have come to expect something that doesn't fall into the "fortune" category any longer, but this piece of crap excuse for a fortune sounds like some Hallmark-penned sentiment from a child's birthday card or some lesson at the end of a Church-produced cartoon show! What the fuck is a "rainbow of happiness" anyway? Honestly, I would have been less disappointed had the fortune read, "Three letters: STD." Despite being highly unlikely, it at least would have fallen into the proper category.
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