I knew this moron had to be a Republican when I saw the headline, "Va congressman fears more Muslims elected"

It appears somebody in the Republican Party doesn't trust any Muslim, not even a Muslim who is a United States citizens fairly elected to United States Congress by United States citizens:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16311648/from/RS.5/

This guy didn't learn anything from the "macaca" incident?!!? You think George Allen would have contacted Representative Goode and told him that sending out a letter condemning an entire group of people based on their religion is completely ignorant and un-American, not to mention strategically unsavvy as well (unless his constituency is as stupid as he is . . . ok, so maybe it's not that unsavvy after all). Nonetheless, some of the contents of this letter are shocking in their ignorance and paranoia:

"The Muslim representative from Minnesota was elected by the voters of that district and if American citizens don't wake up and adopt the Virgil Goode position on immigration there will likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran."

"I fear that in the next century we will have many more Muslims in the United States if we do not adopt the strict immigration policies that I believe are necessary to preserve the values and beliefs traditional to the United States of America and to prevent our resources from being swamped."

Wow! Is this guy serious? And what exactly does he mean when he says that these congressional Muslims will be "demanding the use of the Koran"? Does he mean just the swearing-in ceremony or does he mean an overhaul of all United States law based upon the laws of the Koran? Not that it matters: the former possiblility is a ceremonial situation and the latter is, given the circumstances, highly unlikely to be relevant in our Christian dominated society. The other thing this bozo implies in his letter is that Muslim immigrants -- not financially secure, SUV-driving Anglo-Saxon yuppie consumers -- are "swamping" this nation's resources. Huh? How does he come to this conclusion? Not only are our financially secure, SUV-driving Anglo-Saxon yuppie consumers swamping much of the U.S.'s resources, they're swamping Muslim-dominated countries's resources as well. I mean, does this fool know how many gallons of Middle East-imported fuel it takes to fill an American-made tank like the Cadillac Escalade? Wake up, Mr. Goode: we are swamping their resources, not vice versa as you see it.

So how does somebody so obviously prejudiced and ignorant get elected to such an important public position? We'll have to interview his constituency for the answer to that question. Based on the stupidity of Mr. Goode's letter, I would be afraid -- very, very afraid -- to meet the people whose views Mr. Goode reflects.

Technical Corrections

Robert Gates was sworn in as George W. Bush's new Secretary of Defense, finally replacing blunderhead nonpareil Donald Rumsfeld. At this point anybody is an improvement over Rumsfeld, who oversaw a string of failures as grand as any in the annals of New Orleans Saints history. That said, one of his very first statements as Secretary of Defense exposed a true lack of understanding of the Iraq situation, which is sad since Gates entered the scene with the promise that he has a completely different and uncompromising perspective on the Iraq War. If this truly were the case, how does one explain this ignorant quote:

"As the president has made clear," Gates said, "we simply cannot afford to fail in the Middle East. Failure in Iraq at this juncture would be a calamity that would haunt our nation, impair our credibility and endanger Americans for decades to come."

"Failure at this juncture would be a calamity that would haunt our nation, impair our credibility endanger Americans for decades to come" -- has this guy been asleep the past four years? "At this juncture?!!?" No, Mr. Gates, the juncture that would haunt our nation, impair our credibility and endanger Americans for years to come arrived four years ago when President Cheney, uh, I mean President Bush -- under the command of Vice President Cheney and his minions -- decided to go forward with the hair-brained plan to make an example out of Iraq by "bringing democracy" to it. That juncture ended with Colin Powell's absurd spectacle at the United Nations, where he showed a bunch of muddled satellite images of the Baghdad McDonald's claiming it was a state-of-the-art nuclear arsenal. That time period -- when Bush & Co. could have taken the side of common sense and decided not to invade a country that had been neither harboring terrorists nor building a nuclear weapons arsenal -- was the juncture that will haunt our nation and endanger Americans for years to come; it already has impaired our credibility in international politics. Acknowledging these facts upon taking his oath of office would have lent the new Secretary of Defense a line of credibility as well, but his comments already have proven that his apple does not fall far from the Bush.

Christmas is coming . . .

pass me the NyQuil, please.

Rumsfeld Town Hall Meeting (What The World Needs Now)

I just saw on cnn.com that taking place as I write this very sentence is a Donald Rumsfeld "Town Hall Meeting." What's gonna happen there -- an hour and a half of Rummy using his unique ability to avoid answering questions?!!? Perhaps we'll get more gems like these:

"We do know of certain knowledge that he [Osama Bin Laden] is either in Afghanistan, or in some other country, or dead."

"We know where they are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat."

"Well, um, you know, something's neither good nor bad but thinking makes it so, I suppose, as Shakespeare said."

"Learn to say 'I don't know.' If used when appropriate, it will be often."

"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't, I'll just respond cleverly."

Or perhaps we'll get an hour and a half of Rummy telling us that it's just too complicated for us peons to understand what it is he's discussing. Or -- probably most accurately -- it will be an hour and a half of Rummy giving pat answers to scripted question from his Republican supporters. After all, the only kind of "town hall meetings" in which the GOP can particpate are the ones that offer nothing but complete, unwavering endorsement of the policies already implemented by the GOP. I can't wait for the highlights of this enlightening town hall meeting.

Life Is Sweet

Saints 31, Falcons 13. And the Saints completed a "Hail Mary" pass at the end of the first half, which, though not quite making up for 1978's end-of-the-game Steve Bartkowski-to-Alfred Jackson game-winner for the Falcons, was extremely satisfying nonetheless. The Saints won both of their games against the hated Falcons this year, so life truly is sweet.

Committing Suicide the Murray Rizberg Way

I ate fried chicken for lunch -- for the third straight day, that is. I'm sure there are more rational, efficient (though obviously less delicious) ways of killing oneself, but apparently I have no interest in trying them. So I will stay the course and continue my suicide by fried chicken consumption method for now.

George W. Bush Attains Enlightenment

Well, folks, perhaps there are such things as miracles. On Wednesday, November 8, 2006, before our very eyes -- and recorded for all of us to repeat for verification -- was President George W. Bush reaching complete enlightenment. Yes, the same man who asked the question, "Is our children learning?", the same man who wanted never to have to make explanations that he couldn't explain, and the same man who urged fanatical, blood-thirsty, suicidal extremists to come out and try to kill members of his own military, has reached enlightenment. Simply put: the impossible is now reality. The proof of Bush's elevation to enlightenment came in a press conference after control of the House of Representatives had been seized by the rival Democrats, wherein Bush pondered the previous day's events with evidence of his new-found wisdom:

"I thought we [Republicans] had a pretty good shot . . . shows what I know!"

Yes, George, the 2006 mid-term elections showed everybody exactly what you know: absolutely nothing. Enjoy your last two years in office, fuckface!

One Word

It appears that the Democrats have gained the majority in the Senate. Incumbent Senator from Virginia George Allen has all but conceded the only undecided Senate race to his Democratic opponent Jim Webb (a former Republican who not only served as Secretary of the Navy under Ronnie Reagan, but who also once claimed to have been made sick by the sight of Bill Clinton's returning the salute of a U.S. Marine). What I find so fascinating about this turn of events is the fact that, after all of the nasty campaigning and electioneering by both parties and their minions, the shift in Congressional control came as the result of one single word: "Macaca."

I wonder if Senator Allen still thinks that word is funny now.

American Morons

Here are a couple of comments posted on CNN's message board about the Iraq War. These comments expose the absolute clueslessness of a great number of the American public. Enjoy . . .

Daniel Benson wrote (about the Iraq War): "I am forced to back the President because he is the only one with a plan."

Herb Conner wrote: "Those who think that Iraq does not have an affect in the war on terror have their heads stuck in the sand. They are clueless. Why do you think the terrorists are spending so much time in Iraq now? Duh!"

It should be noted that I posted responses to both of these ludicrous statements on that same message board, but only a severely edited version of my response to Mr. Benson was posted. How fucking typical: somebody makes some fucking sense in criticising Republican policy and throws in a joke at the expense of a Democrat, and the joke gets edited out. Here were my responses to these two morons:

To Mr. Benson (who wrote: "I am forced to back the President because he is the only one with a plan.") - Bush has a plan?!!? That's a new development. Please elaborate on this plan because I would love to know more about it. Better yet, send a copy of this mythical plan to the troops who are dying more rapidly than ever in Iraq so that they know what they're in for. Face the facts: Bush, Cheney, and Rummy have no plan. They never did because they didn't expect this inusrgency to be so strong, despite plenty of warning from Bush's own father as well as James Baker and a host of current military strategists. And for the record: some Democrats, such as Senator Joseph Biden, do have a plan (though I can't verify that Biden's plan wasn't plagiarized from a Republican plan).

To Mr. Conner (who wrote: "Those who think that Iraq does not have an affect in the war on terror have their heads stuck in the sand. They are clueless. Why do you think the terrorists are spending so much time in Iraq now? Duh!") - Well, sir, here's your obvious answer: because Bush, Cheney, and Rummy have given them thousands of FREE targets! Duh! Why would terrorists go all the way to the mainland United States to attack Americans when they can stay in the Middle East and attack Americans? DUH!!!

Al-Jazeera Pulls a Fast One!

So apparently this United States diplomat went to an interview on Al-Jazeera and told his interviewer something that anybody with any common sense and a basic knowledge of history already knows about the Iraq War:

"I think there is a big possibility (inaudible) for extreme criticism and because undoubtedly there was arrogance and stupidity from the United States in Iraq."

Not exactly enlightening to me or anything, that statement is extremely shocking not only because it came from the mouth of somebody in the Bush administration, but also because it is rational and based on actual facts and evidence.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/10/22/fernandez.statement/index.html

Yes, Mr. Fernandez was correct about the "arrogance and stupidity" on the United States' part of the Iraq War. He did forget naivete, of course, but arrogance and stupidity definitely describe a great number of Bush administration officials' comments about this war:

1. Dick Cheney - "My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators."

2. President Bush - "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualities."

3. President Bush - "My answer is bring 'em on!"

4. Dick Cheney - "I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the Iraq insurgency"

And that's just a quick sampler of public comments; who knows what kind of the stupid, arrogant shit they've said behind close doors while forming policy. Clearly Mr. Fernandez knew exactly what would cause him to mention the fact that the U.S. was guilty of arrogance and stupidity in the Iraq War.

But that interview was on Friday. The truth of that interview has come out today: apparently Mr. Fernandez's words were not properly translated by Al-Jazeera. Evidently, Mr. Fernandez was not, in fact, the first current Bush administration official to use logic and evidence to generate an accurate, sensible thought about his superiors' policies and actions, as we had been led to believe by earlier accounts of his interview. A new translation of Mr. Fernandez's interview reveals his intended comments: "All the evidence is there: we were greeted as liberators, fought off a few pesky insurgent gnats, and -- just as Jesus Christ our Lord had spoken righteously through the words of his messengers George W. Bush and Dick Cheney -- Iraq is now a democracy. This has been God's plan all along, and because of the wisdom of Donald Rumsfeld, it has come to being. Praise Jesus Christ the King and Savior!" I guess that didn't make much sense to the translators at Al-Jazeera, who fiendishly came up with the "arrogance and stupidity" angle, if only to curse and take away the job of the infidel Alberto Fernandez.

It was a nice try, Al-Jazeera, but Bush & Co. know better than that. Explained one senior White House official, "I can only assume his remarks must have been mistranslated. Those comments obviously don't reflect our policy." And exactly what policy is he talking about? Oh, I forgot -- the standard Bush/Cheney policy of humility, intelligence, reason, and preparedness that has been the hallmark of this unanimously successful Iraq War. Silly me.

I do feel sorry for Mr. Fernandez, however, because his mistranslated words are going to cost him. While Bush will surely forgive Mr. Fernandez to his face, Mr. Fernandez almost assuredly will be transferred by the State Department -- to a secret prison in Europe just as a precaution under the new Military Commissions Act. But don't cry too long for Mr. Fernandez; after all, he voted for President Bush, so he would merely be receiving the justice he deserves in this case.

The Next Logical Step

So President Bush came out today and declared that he has the power to edit the Homeland Security Department's reports about whether it obeys privacy rules while handling background checks, ID cards and watchlists. In this same signing statement -- which is more or less a President's way of saying, "I'll sign this bill because I have no legitmate grounds for not signing it, but I will, of course, simply exempt myself from its authority" -- Bush also said he would disregard a requirement that the director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) must have had at least five years experience and "demonstrated ability in and knowledge of emergency management and homeland security." What could be the wise and insightful Mr. Bush's reasoning for wanting to ignore this requirement? Well, according to this report, Bush's rationale was that it "rules out a large portion of those persons best qualified by experience and knowledge to fill the office."

Oh . . . I see. Running the pony show for a few years is excellent training for overseeing the federal government's response to a national disaster, but being the director of, say, a state-run emergency management team would land you a job taking orders at the Steak 'N' Shake, I guess. Oh, Mr. Bush, Mr. Bush. I just don't understand the way your brain works. In fact, I would sooner see the logic in somebody's desire to eat his own poo before I understand the logic of your political philosphy. Oh, wait -- that's not true -- I do understand your political philosophy, which conveniently acts as your personal philosophy, your academic philosophy, and your business philosophy all-in-one: one of daddy's friends will take care of it when I screw it up! And this is the guy who has just declared that he has the power to edit the Homeland Security Department's reports! Wouldn't one have to have the power to read the reports before having the power to edit them? What is he going to edit, the font?!!? "Let's type this report in Princetown next time so we can pretend we're back at Yale in a meeting of the Skull and Bones!"

Look, why doesn't Bush just quit wasting everyone's time and take the next logical step. Lusting for even more of the power he did nothing whatsoever to obtain on his own, Bush should next declare, "I now have the authority to do whatever the fuck I want to do! Deal with that, Congressional peons!"

Nothing More Needs To Be Said

Here's Massachusetts Representative Barney Frank's one-sentence summary of all that makes the Republican Party so fucked up:

"The hypocrisy of the Republicans is that they have more concern for a gay man who misbehaves than for fair treatment of gays who don't misbehave."

Case closed.

Just More Bush/Mainstream Media Stupidity

There are a few important points in this article from cnn.com:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/09/29/bush.ap/index.html

The first important point to be made about this article -- which is the same important point that needs to be made about any article involving George W. Bush -- is that George W. Bush is a complete asshole.

There are two other relevant points in this article. The first involves this quote by Bush: "You do not create terrorism by fighting terrorism." OK, well, let's assume for argument's sake that Bush is correct in this belief. Do you believe it? Good, now let's tear it apart for its utter lack of relevance to the Iraq War. You see, President War-monger, the reason your critics say that the Iraq War is creating terrorists is that we weren't fighting terrorists there, you big dummy -- there were no fuckin' terrorists in Iraq when you invaded it, remember? Almost every single piece of evidence -- most of which had been made available to you but conveniently ignored by you before the invasion -- has made this fact extremely clear. Therefore, if you invaded a country without terrorists (or at the very least without terrorists tied to Osama Bin Lade and Al Qaeda), then technically speaking, you were not fighting terrorism. This being the case, you therfore have no logical basis to assert your belief that we have not created terrorists by going to war with Iraq because you didn't go to war with terrorists in the first place. And, that Mr. Fuckface President, is how one creates terrorists: by lying to Congress and the American people in order to start a war to protect Daddy and Mr. Cheney's oil investments and, in the process, killing thousands upon thousands of innocent Muslims whose families will never forget the sight of their dead relatives' mangled corpses -- and the person who gave the command to make that sight possible -- and thus hold a lifetime of hatred for the country responsible for it all. Yeah, that reminds me, assface: thanks for making some of these people hate me! I didn't do anything to them, including not having voted for your stupid ass. Again, much gratitude, cocksniff. So, do I believe we would we end all terrorist activity by stopping all of our military action and playing nice? Of course not -- even naive liberals know that! So you can stop peddling that myth as well, you piece of toasted shit. No, there is simply no way to stop everybody from becoming a terrorist by playing the game more fairly -- some people are crazy and just want to hate and lash out with that hatred -- but you can minimize the chances of creating terrorists by being respectful of other people's cultures and beliefs and, at the very least, their heartbeats. If you believe otherwise, you probably don't understand any of the teachings of that Jewish carpenter you claim to consult for advice on such matters.

Now, let's get to the second relevant part of the article: those moronic Democrats. Bear in mind that this part of my entry might exist only because of the lazy work of the media; there is a chance that the Democrats did counter Bush's latest act of fear-mongering electioneering with concrete logic(like I just did) instead of the few useless pre-recorded retorts found in the article. That said, the Democratic responses in the article simply aren't enough to effectively counter Bush's latest ludicrous claims about empowering terrorists through the Democratic Party's proposed policies. Here's Nancy Pelosi's response: "It was yet another example of how he is in denial over what is happening in the war on terror." OK, but how, Nancy, how is he in denial? Give us facts and logic! And what about Howard Dean? The Chairman of the Democratic National Committee offered up this same-old song-and-dance: "President Bush's election-year attacks are the product of a desperate White House with no credibility left with the American people." Why does the Bush administration lack credibility, Howard? Most reasonable people know he lacks credibility -- hell, anybody who stopped and looked at the War-monger's resume back in 2000 could tell he didn't have the political credibility of a Wal-Mart cashier -- so tell us why, Howard, please! "How" and "why" are extremely effective, my friends. Granted, they won't work on at least one-half of the general population -- no matter what political party they have registered with -- but those two bits of reasoning might come in handy when trying to persuade at least a quarter of the general public. So use them, you Democratic sissies. Stop being so damn spineless and dish out the common sense with some fucking venom for once.

The Anti-Lieberman

Joe Lieberman has long considered himself a Democrat even though there is plenty of evidence suggesting that he is a Nazi. OK, so that was a bit exaggerated. The evidence really suggests that he's a Neocon Republican who admires Hitler's charisma and political savy.

Now let's look at incumbent Rhode Island Senator Lincoln Chafee. Yes, he is a Republican -- in name, at least. And he very likely is a Republican in most arenas of the political world. Mr. Chafee, however, does not always act like the typical Republican: he was the only GOP member to have voted against the Iraq War as well as against the appointment of Justice Samuel Alito. He is also the only known Republican Senator to support same-sex marriage at this time. Mr. Chafee, who favors keeping the Estate Tax, also voted against the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy. But wait -- that's not all! He is a vocal advocate of women's right to choose, the environment, and stem cell research. The topper, however, is this gem: Lincoln Chafee did not vote for George W. Bush in 2004. Not that he did much better, of course: he ended up writing in his vote for George H. W. Bush as a protest against the current President Bush's misguided policies. The National Journal (an economics/political publication aimed almost exclusively at the powerful elite) rated Mr. Chafee a more liberal politician than Democrats Ben Nelson of Nebraska and my own Mary Landrieu of Louisiana (big surprise). Perhaps the best compliment one can give Senator Chafee, however, is that Ann Coulter thinks he is stupid.

In short, then, Senator (and former blacksmith) Lincoln Chafee might just be my new idol.

George W. Bush: Willful Ignorance or Unparalleled Stupidity?

George W. Bush just doesn't get it, either out of extraordinarily willful ignorance or unparallelled stupidity, the kind of stupidity previously unseen in the annals of humankind. I'm going to go with the former, by the way, because I fall into the camp that believes the only thing greater than Bush's lack of intelligence is his unwavering faith in the wisdom and decency of Dick Cheney. OK, never mind -- it is his stupidity!

Anyway, here's the latest bit of stupidity Bush has spoken with a straight face, this time to a national television audience on the fifth anniversary of 9/11, a tragic event that probaly could have been avoided if Bush hadn't been so . . . Bush. And not I'm going to tear apart his speech line-by-line, which anyone with a shred of common sense could do, because it would take too much time. Instead, I will comment on this one line here:

"If we yield Iraq to men like bin Laden," Bush said, "our enemies will be emboldened, they will gain a new safe haven, and they will use Iraq's resources to fuel their extremist movement. We will not allow this to happen."

Bush is more than likely correct about one thing in this quote: terrorists will gain a new safe haven if we lose Iraq. The important word in this quote, however, is "new." Yes, it will be a "new safe haven" because it was never a fuckin' safe haven for terrorists before you invaded it, you fuckin' dolt!!!! How many of the 9/11 terrorists were born and raised in Iraq? Zero. How many of them had ties to Saddam Hussein? Zero. How many weapons of mass destruction did Saddam Hussein have? Zero. So what was the logical approach to rounding up terrorists and bringing them to justice after 9/11? Oh, how obvious: why not start a war with a country that had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11 in the first place? Yeah, this is a win-win situation: we'll "bring freedom and democracy" to those poor schleps in Iraq who haven't been able to do it for themselves and fatten our Haliburton-filled pockets while we're at it! Catching Bin Laden and his network of terrorists? Fuck that! That can wait until we secure the oil fields in Iraq for our own personal gain! Great fuckin' plan, you bunch of assholes. Never mind that anyone with a freshman's insight into the the situation knows that Bin Laden and Hussein not only harbored different kinds of hatred for the U.S., they harbored some dislike for each other as well. Never mind, then, that because of this dislike Iraq was never the safe haven for terrorists it has become since the Bush brain trust decided that Saddam Hussein had to pay for his complete lack of involvement in 9/11. And never mind that a bunch of the 9/11 hijackers came from our oil-rich friends in Saudi Arabia; no, we don't want to piss them off, do we? No, because that's another great source of Bush and Cheney's income courtesy of the safety and income of every U.S citizen! I mean, when is enough enough for these assholes, anyway? What the fuck is wrong with this society? And why the hell am I a part of it?!!? FUCK!!!

SERENITY NOW!!!

Alright, I think I've calmed down a little. Do you see why I chose only one quote from the War-monger's speech to tear apart? I could go on for hours with logical responses to this idiot's stunning lack of intelligence and common sense, but what would be the point? Besides, the Saints won! They're 1-0! Life is sweet! I shouldn't want to kill myself just because the most unqualified man for the job of Most Powerful Person in the Free World received the position (not "earned" or "won" the position, mind you) not once, but twice! God help us all. Oh, wait, I don't believe in god. Oprah help us all!

I think she meant to use the word "moron"

Here's yet another article from cnn.com that I find very interesting.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/09/07/southern.women.ap/index.html

Yeah, it sounds like some of these Scarlett O'Hara's are starting to see the big picture. And then there's poor little Clydeen Tomanio, a self-described Replubican of forty-three years -- which makes her, what, about sixty-one and hopelessly set in her ways? Yeah, so here's her reason for staying the course in her support of the Warmonger:

"There are some people, and I'm one of them, that believe George Bush was placed where he is by the Lord," Tomanio said. "I don't care how he governs, I will support him. I'm a Republican through and through."

Oh, you sad, sad thing. To think you get as many votes as I get when it comes to electing the President. Now that's sad! The Lord didn't place Bush there; the United States Supreme Court -- with the help of George H. W. Bush, Jeb Bush, Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Katharine Harris and all their minions of the insidious GOP -- placed George W. Bush where he is today. Ms. Tomanio and I could argue 'til the end of time about who put Bush where he is today, but at least she seems to realize that W himself had absolutely nothing to do with getting himself into his current position! Whew -- that's a relief.

Fuckin' Jeter

Fuckin' Jeter . . .

Can't we pass a law or something?

Madonna is back in the news again, but only because this Evel Knievel of the music-industrial complex wanted to be; otherwise, the general public might finally figure out that she's nothing more than a talentless attention whore who was spanked once too seldomly by her papa.

What could she have done now to merit any more attention? Apparently this lapsed little Catholic girl staged a mock crucifixion (of herself, naturally, as any any self-respecting meglomaniac would do) just miles away from the Vatican, who officially had announced its displeasure with the Material Whore's plans. Here's an on-line article:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Music/08/07/italy.madonna.reut/index.html

We'll forgive the Vatican for even publicly commenting on Madonna's latest publicity stunt (just as I'm sure that, deep in their hearts, they're forgiving Madonna for even thinking of the stunt). By now they should realize that, like a spoiled child who desperately craves any kind of attention, Madonna survives only because people such as the Vatican members themselves do nothing but fuel her desire for even more attention -- and you would think priests might know a little thing or two about child psychology, wouldn't you?

Again, Madonna's straddling a gigantic steel pole while singing "Like a Virgin" with a big, shit-eating grin on her face is about as news-worthy as somebody in the Bush adminstration defending the actions of somebody else in the Bush administration. Logically, if it happens all the time, it's not really news-worthy (unless the consistency itself is an aberration in the bigger context, of course -- see Tiger Woods).

The real problem, then, is that anybody protesting Madonna's publicity stunts is protesting the wrong thing. Rather than protesting Madonna's latest shallow attempt at making a statement, he should be protesting the stagnate legislative community's failure to pass laws allowing entertainers who have aboslutely nothing new to offer to be put to sleep, much like a crippled and completely useless race horse.

Time is not on your side, Madonna. I hope for your sake that you do something legitimately news-worthy, or you might have to join other stars of your caliber who have been put to sleep, like Trigger or Mister Ed.

And, if you want it, my advice to you is to find Mandy Moore as soon as possible; giving her the tongue would be something memorable!

Helpful Translation

Just caught this interesting quote from an AP/Yahoo article about House Republicans who are joining the Democrats in trying to raise the minimum wage:

"Whether people like it or not, we need to go ahead with it," said Rep. Mike Castle, R-Del., who supports the idea. "There's a general agreement among Republicans (opposing the raise) that 'maybe we don't like it much, but we need to move forward with it just for political reasons.'"

"Maybe we don't like it much, but we need to move forward with it just for political reasons."

Could Mr. Castle have been any more blunt in his explanation? Just in case you didn't understand what he said, allow me to translate his words for you: "As Republicans, we really couldn't give two shits about raising the minimum wage to a level anywhere near the true standard of living for you lowly shitheads, but we also don't want to lose our jobs because of something as silly as the minimum wage, so we'll go ahead and raise it for you."

Wow, you just gotta' love that "compassionate conservatism," don't you?

Still nothing else to do . . .

This blog entry arrives very late from Rochester, NY. It occurred to me earlier today that I never mentioned the stupidity of a comment made by Vice President Dick Cheney during an interview with cnn.com. In the interview, Cheney stressed the importance of not giving into the Democrats desire to cut and run out of Iraq, but instead stay the course until a stable *cough-cough* government has been set up. Cheney then explained that it doesn't matter where we go, they [terrorists] will find us. He then explained how they've found us in various places around the world over the last few years. Now -- and here's where common sense enters the picture -- there's just one thing Cheney forgot to mention about terrorists attacking us in Iraq: they wouldn't be attacking us in Iraq had we not illegally invaded it in the first place! So, by invading Iraq -- against the will of the international community, against the wishes of many of our own Congressmen and citizens, against the advice of George H. W. Bush, and against common sense itself -- Bush & Co. simply opened up a front where terrorists could directly attack Americans where they could not have attacked us before. Now that makes a truck-load of common fuckin' sense, doesn't it?

Who voted to re-elect these dumb-fuckin' pricks, anyway? I think we ought to ship all those assholes (and there's no doubt that having voted for Bush/Cheney means you're an asshole -- see Jan. 28 blog entry) over to fight this unwinnable, self-serving war started by the Bush-Cheney Profit Machine of Doom. If saving a few thousand dollars in taxes was worth this, you should protect those dollars with your own life. Those few thousand dollars is blood money, and it should be your own blood on it, not the blood of those young men and women who don't believe in the purpose of this senseless, shameless attempt at bloody profiteering.

Nothing else to do . . .

Why won't the Yankees just go away? They have absolutely no pitching other than Moose, Wang, and Rivera; they have about five hundred position players on the DL; and Joe Torre is sleepwalking through the season. Nonetheless, they continue to win. And not only do they continue to win, they win more and more often as more and more injuries pile up. Perhaps this is just a cynical Red Sox fan's point-of-view, but if the BoSox were to find themselves in this same predicament, they would have fallen almost completely out of the race by now. Yankee Mystique? I don't know. Maybe they're just that good . . . every stinkin' year? It's so annoying.

Erectile Dysfunction of the Rich & Bombastic

Rush Limbaugh is back in the news, and again it's for illegal possesion of . . . Viagra? Shouldn't he have been sent to prison for life without parole by now -- I mean, that's the way things ought to be, right? Never mind. Here's a link to the short article at CNN.com:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/06/26/limbaugh.viagra.ap/index.html

Limbaugh's attorney, Roy Black, said that though the Viagra had been prescribed to Mr. Limbaugh, the prescription on the bottle was made out to his doctors "for privacy purposes." Privacy purposes? Everyone knows this guy hasn't been able to sustain a hard-on since Clinton left office! Who's he trying to fool? Worse yet, who's he trying to fuck?!!?

Status

It's 4:20 in the morning, and I'm watching a rerun of the Argentina-Mexico World Cup Quarterfinal match while eating donuts. Has it really come to this? Why the fuck am I not asleep right now? I almost wish I were drunk . . .

Lookout Joe

I think this is the year, folks. I think this is the year that the Senate's most useless member (boy, is that an insult), Joe Lieberman, finally gets voted out of office for being the spineless, pandering, Republican-in-Somebody-Else's clothing that he is. Democratic voters in Connecticut finally will realize that if they really want a Republican Senator, they can pull the other lever; Republican voters, meanwhile, no longer will have to decide between a Democratic candidate who's more conservative than their candidate or a Republican candidate who's more liberal than their oppopnent but keeps the numbers in their favor.

Here's a short list of things that will push Mr. Lieberman to the unemployment line: he's pro-NAFTA; he supports Capital Punishment; he's vehemently in favor of the U.S.-led Iraq War, so much so that he has criticized almost all of his fellow Democrats who oppose the war; he wanted to censor Marilyn Manson; he acted like a holier-than-thou fuckface during the Monica Lewinsky Scandal; he sided with hypocritical hillbilly billionaire doctor Bill Frist and the rest of his sanctimonious Republican asshole comrades in the Terry Schiavo situation; he wants to compromise (read: give in to Bush & Co.) on Social Security; he believes religious faith should be allowed a place in publicly run operations; and finally my favorite: he is in favor of giving hospitals in Connecticut the right not to offer emergency contraceptive pills to rape victims, if to do so would be against the hospital's moral and religious beliefs because -- are you ready for this? -- he believes that Connecticut has enough hospitals not to make it too much of an inconvenience for rape victims to travel between them! I repeat: he is in favor of giving hospitals in Connecticut the right not to offer emergency contraceptive pills to rape victims, if to do so would be against the hospital's moral and religious beliefs because -- are you ready for this? -- he believes that Connecticut has enough hospitals not to make it too much of an inconvenience for rape victims to travel between them! I'm sure the ladies of Connecticut will feel so fortunate to have to travel such a short distance from one conveniently located hospital to another after they've just been raped!!!

Can anyone tell me why this man is in office? As a Democrat no less? What kind of indentity crisis are the Connecticut voters experiencing to cause them to have elected this guy to three consecutive terms by landslide margins?

The irony, of course, is that Lieberman became a Senator by defeating incumbent Republican Lowell Weiker, whose voting record was too liberal for many of his Republican constituents. Lieberman was considered so much more conservative than Weiker that the National Review endorsed Lieberman! Now, if all comes full circle, Lieberman will be voted out of office because his voting record was considered too conservative for his Democratic constituents.

Look out, Joe -- unemployment can be a bitch.

Assholes Doing What Assholes Do Best

Did anybody else notice that the U.S. Congress just gave itself another payraise?

http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/06/13/congress.payraise.ap/index.html

The raise is being labeled as a "cost of living" measure. I don't know about you, but I find it fascinating that the cost of living increases every year for incompetent public servants, yet seems to remain the same for minimum wage workers. Perhaps a short consultation with a professional economist -- preferably one of a conservative bent -- can explain this phenomenon.

Who needs reality?

http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/013/734azcei.asp

Did I read that second sentence correctly? Did Mr. Kristol really write, "Millions of Americans feel bad for Scooter Libby's family"? Does he really believe that millions of Americans give a shit about some war-mongering, far-right, piece-of-shit elitist liar? Surely you jest, Mr. Kristol. And what was that about an injustice that had been done? To Mr. Libby this injustice has been done? No, not to the members of our armed services does Mr. Kristol claim that these injustices have been done - those same members of the armed services who were sent to Iraq on a bunch of Fascist, uh, I mean Neocon lies carefully orchestrated by Mr. Kristol, Mr. Libby and all of their hawkish friends (who never actually bothered to serve in the military themselves) and then swallowed hook, line and sinker by the gullible "liberal-biased" media. I guess nobody of Mr. Kristol's privileged status believes these men and women and their families deserve an apology for that injustice, nor will anybody of Mr. Kristol's privileged status deem these men and women and their families worthy of an apology when they return from this doomed war and discover that their health benefits have been cut by the very same privileged group of daydreamers that sent them off in the first place. Oh, but for the innocent, downtrodden Mr. Libby and his family we are supposed to shed our tears, America.

Please. This whole tragicomedy begs the question: in exactly what universe does Mr. Kristol live? It is patently obvious that reality is nothing more than a petty nuisance to him and his cohorts, and that they are so far removed from reality the only thing that could possibly lead them back to it is death. But I'm not going to hold my breath for that kind of justice; the Mr. Libby's of the world don't receive that kind of justice, they only hand it out.

The Unstoppable Force

I cannot stop watching "Law & Order: Criminal Intent." There is no resistance. Help is needed.

Damn you, Dick Wolf! Damn you and your "Law & Order" machine! I know I am not the only human who's been turned into a television viewing automaton by your sinister "Law & Order" conglomerate. On behalf of all my "Law & Order" automaton brethren, damn you, Dick Wolf! And damn you, too, Vincent D'Onofrio! Damn you and all your ticks! Damn you and your peculiar way of talking! And damn you and your unstoppable ability to solve the crime! And damn you, Kathryn Erbe! Damn you and your horrible hairdo! You live in the biggest damn city in North America and you still can't find a competent stylist? Damn you again! And damn you, Jamey Sheridan! Damn your understated masculinity! My colossal man-crush on you haunts me! Damn you, Courtney Vance! Damn your eloquence and logic! Damn your fashion sense! Damn everything about you and that damn show you inhabit! Damn all of you "Law & Order" bastards! I want my life back! I want it back! Damn you all!

A Plea to Theo Epstein

Theo -- please, PLEASE consider sending Matt Clement to the minors. The guy obviously has lost it. His ERA now hovers in the vicinity of 6.50, he walks about five batters a game, and he keeps getting hit by line drives. The signs are there, Theo. Either send Clement to the minors to find his way or consider his free agent signing a complete bust.

Oh, yeah -- please go out and find a third quality starting pitcher. We have Schilling, Beckett, and then . . . Tim Wakefield, David Wells, and Matt Clement? That rotation will never make it. It's time to go to work, Boy Wonder.

Arbitrarily Enforcing the Law the Alberto Gonzales Way

So it's not that I think local Congressman William Jefferson is innocent of the corruption allegations against him; no, far from it, I think the New Orleans Democrat should be looking forward to a barbed wire lunch date with Tom DeLay, complete with armed chaperones, of course. The $90,000 in cash found in Jefferson's freezer in his Washington, D.C., home pretty much says it all. That revelation forces one to think back to the days immediately after Hurricane Katrina: was Jefferson worried about $90,000 in cash being looted from his home in New Orleans when he ordered National Guardsmen to take him miles out of their way on an unauthorized excursion to examione his property? Or was Mr. Jefferson merely very concerned about the condition of his vegetable garden?

All assumptions of guilt aside, I find it disgusting that the U.S. Attorney General's Office gave its full consent to the FBI to raid Jefferson's private office on Capitol Hill. The search warrant for Jefferson's suite in the Rayburn House Office building was the first warrant ever issued in the 219 year history of the U.S. Congress. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales explained the raid this way:

"We have an obligation to the American people to pursue the evidence where it exists."

I'm sure Mr. Gonzales meant to add, "Unless that evidence exists somewhere in the White House, of course." Or possibly, "Unless that evidence exists somewhere in Tom DeLay's office, of course." Or maybe, "Unless that evidence exists somewhere in Dick Cheney's office." I think you get the idea. Basically we are supposed to believe that the Attorney General's Office had no obligation to pursue evidence in the CIA identity leak case, the NSA illegal surveillance case, any of Tom DeLay's mulitple ethics violations allegations or any other of the large number of corruption cases involving Republican politicians, but suddenly did have an obligation to break a 219-year precedent of not searching the private offices of a U.S. Congressman to find eveidence against a Democrat from New Orleans -- in an election year, no less?!!? Surely you jest, Mr. Gonzales.

To the credit of -- or perhaps to the desire to protect evidence of their own corruption -- many Republican Congressman have criticized this unprecedented pursuit of justice. House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R - IL) in particular has been vocal about the problems created by the over-zealousness of the Justice Department.

None of these criticisms alters the fact that the search has been done. The precedent has been set by Mr. Gonzales; now he is obligated to "pursue the evidence wherever it exists," even if it exists in the toilet of a Republican Congressman's private bathroom on Capitol Hill. Does anybody else out there suspect that this relentless pursuit of evidence will somehow never find its way into that bathroom during Gonzales' tenure in office?

Yes, I'm annoyed again

You wanna know what I'm sick of? That's fine, but I'm gonna tell you anyway: animated animal movies. The list grows every year: Antz, A Bug's Life, Finding Nemo, Chicken Little, Ice Age, Ice Age: The Meltdown, Madagascar, Over The Hedge, Shark Tale, and others I'm sure. I mean, are animals so compelling that they need this many movies? And why do they always have to talk? I wonder if March of the Penguins was so successful simply because those birds didn't say a fuckin' word the entire movie? And each of these movies has the same stock characters; you never see an animated poodle who feels like Travis Bickle. Ultimately, I guess I'm calling for an animated animal genocide. I want all of these cute little animals to be eliminated -- immediately, if not sooner.

More Assholes

The following quote comes from an article at cnn.com about the most American of collectibles, the Hummer:

"The H1 gets about 10 miles per gallon, but [Hummer General Manager Martin] Walsh said rising gas prices didn't factor into GM's decision. He noted that H1 buyers typically have been less sensitive about gas prices than most other drivers."

Isn't language a fun thing? "H1 buyers typically have been less sensitive about gas prices than most other drivers." Yes, it would seem anybody who chooses to drive around in a tank that gets 10 miles per gallon would have to be, at the very least, "less sensitive" about gas prices than the rest of us, right?

It would be so great if Hummer came out and advertised directly to its oh-so conspicuous consumers: "If you're the kind of asshole who doesn't give one shit about destroying the environment and jacking up the cost of gasoline for every other driver out there whose car you could crush like an insignificant little bug, then the H1 is the automobile for you. Let's face it: if assholes like you won't buy our product, nobody else will." Was that so difficult?

Classic Iraq War Quote

Here's a quote -- perhaps the most logic-defying gem ever uttered -- about the Iraq War. It comes from former White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer, whose ability to say things like this with a straight face could only mean that he is either the greatest actor since Laurence Olivier or the greatest thinker since Yogi Berra. You be the judge:

"I think the burden is on those people who think he didn't have weapons of mass destruction to tell the world where they are."

Mr. Fleischer went on to say that the time has come for atheists to shut the fuck up and prove the existence of God.

There will be no debate:

David Caruso is the worst actor ever.

Priorities of the Rich & Greedy

It appears Democrats are serious about increasing the minimum wage:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/06/27/congress.wage.reut/index.html

The most striking fact revealed in the article is that "salaries for members of Congress have risen $31,600 during the time the minimum wage has been frozen." In case you didn't get that, Congress -- *ahem* the Republican-controlled Congress -- has given itself a raise of thirty-one thousand, six-hundred dollars over the last ten years.

The GOP has, in my lifetime, always been a "me first" organization -- anyone with any practical use of his or her brain knows this -- but their brazenness while in power still astounds me. Any time somebody proposes anything to benefit the lower class, the GOP trots out its "but it will be bad for small business" line. Just what exactly does the GOP consider a "small business," anyway? Radio Shack? IBM? General Motors? Microsoft? Most "small" businesses I know of don't have many "entry-level" positions that the GOP so passionately protects. The "American Success Story" is becoming increasingly more difficult to find (much less achieve), and nobody has done more to make it difficult than that best friend of Big Business, the Republican Party, a party now obviously much more interested in protecting existing wealth than promoting new wealth.

Life Update

I wanted to take this time to announce that I have nothing new or exciting whatsoever happening in my life. I do want to thank you, however, for being interested enough to read about how truly stagnate my life has become. Thanks again and have a great day.

Shocking News Story!

This is an actual headline from cnn.com:

"President satisfied with Cheney's account"

Why is this news? Did anyone think Bush was not going to be satisfied with Cheney's account of the hunting accident? Bush is satisfied with everything Cheney -- and Rumsfeld and Condi and Scooter and K-Rove -- does. The article could have been referring to Cheney's conviction on child molestation charges, and the headline still would have read, "President satisfied with Cheney's account." Does it qualify as news when somebody in the Bush administration justifies the actions of somebody else in the Bush administration? And now we have Cheney coming out and declaring that he has the authority to declassify information, which is going to be quite an interesting and convenient defense for lil' Scooter, isn't it?

Let's face it: if the news media were truly objective, the real headline would have read, "Bush, Cheney: What Will These Two Assholes Think of Next?"

Moment of Clarity

That's it. I've come to a realization, and I don't think I can be swayed on the matter. Yesterday I came to the conclusion that there is no way anyone who voted for George W. Bush in 2004 can justify his decision. I mean, it's OK to have fallen for that "I'm a regular guy" bit of bullshit that Bush likes to spew, but to have fallen for it the second time?!!? After witnessing all the fuck-ups of his first term, nobody can say anything to me that approaches anything near a valid justification for having said "yes" to such an incompetent, self-serving, hypocritical asshole like George W. Bush the second time around. A vote for Bush in 2004 says one -- or maybe all -- of three things about somebody:

1. I'm a selfish asshole.
2. I'm a stupid asshole.
3. I'm an insane asshole.

See how it works? No matter your adjective, if you voted for Bush, you're still an asshole!

Now, I realize that I'm calling just about everyone's parents (mine included) an asshole at this point, but the truth is what it is. Besides, we're all assholes about something; it's just that these people are assholes about selecting somebody to fill the position of "Most Powerful Person on the Face of the Earth" while I'm an asshole about selecting what to put into my cd player.

Informative Weblink

I swear I didn't create this website, folks (it just seems that way):

http://www.iamamoron.com/

Dick Cheney on Presidential Power:

"I believe in a strong, robust executive authority and I think that the world we live in demands it."

It's funny how we never heard him express this belief in a sweeping Presidential authority when Clinton was in office. And I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that we don't hear him say it again if a Democrat is elected in 2008. As a matter of fact, I will go so far as to say that if Eliot Spitzer were ever to become President, Mr. Cheney (or is that Mr. Dick?) will be quoted as believing the exact opposite at some point during Spitzer's term.

Now let me tell you what I believe in, Mr. Cheney: the strong, robust cock of a large, gay black man -- preferably from the Lower Ninth Ward -- stuck up your hypocritical ass for days on end . . . because I think the world we live in demands it.