Just so we're on the record here:

My life is one humongous steaming pile of regret.

So how many holes do I need in my head?

So I was shopping for my father's birthday last night and came across a box set of three DVD's labeled "The David Spade Collection." Am I to assume that this a-hole's Capital One commercials are so popular that he is now worthy of having a DVD box set bearing his name? Please. Where would one place this box set in his collection, under "D" next to "The David Lean Collection" or under "S" next to "The Martin Scorsese Collection"? I guess that's not happening. My god, is Paramount so desperate for income that they felt green-lighting "The David Spade Collection" was imperative? And what should we expect in the future, "The Stephen Dorff Collection"? I can't wait.