Hey, AT&T, it's your good buddy Murray here. Yeah, the guy who sends you charitable donations every month. Yeah. Anyway, can I ask you a quick question here? OK, good, uh . . . is it too much to ask you guys to put the bill in the envelope right side up? I mean every month I open your envelope with that cute little lower-case logo from what I think is the top, only to find out that I'm opening it from the bottom. Seriously, AT&T -- you guys can transfer images and sounds through a lock of hair, but you can't find a way to send your bills right side up? Come on -- even a five year-old can do this!
Never mind; I forgot for a second that I'm addressing some humongous, faceless corporation, not my barber. So go right on ahead -- keep playing that cruel practical joke on me if it really makes you happy, Mr. Big Shit! Don't think that I can't hear the snickers coming all the way from your slimy corporate office in Atlanta as I open your bill from the wrong side of the envelope yet again. Ha-ha, fuckheads, we get it: you're on top, we're at the bottom. We're at your mercy. We've always known this. Now could you grow up a little and put the damn bill in the envelope the right way? I'm tired of feeling like a schmuck even before I see how much money I'm sending you assholes yet again.
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