The "fortunes" found in fortune cookies have been spiraling downward in quality for many years now. Last week, however, marked a new and shockingly shitty all-time low for the peculiar dessert. I cracked open a cookie, unfolded the thin strip of paper inside of it and came face-to-face with, "Loving is sharing rainbows of happiness." What the fuck does that mean?!!? I mean, I have come to expect something that doesn't fall into the "fortune" category any longer, but this piece of crap excuse for a fortune sounds like some Hallmark-penned sentiment from a child's birthday card or some lesson at the end of a Church-produced cartoon show! What the fuck is a "rainbow of happiness" anyway? Honestly, I would have been less disappointed had the fortune read, "Three letters: STD." Despite being highly unlikely, it at least would have fallen into the proper category.
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